Photography is More Fun Than it Seems

I went around the yard and took so many pictures, it's ridiculous. So many of them are pretty, but then again, lots of them are very blurry. Thanks a lot, Blue. You stupid dog D:

I've been doodling aimlessly more than anything lately. Half of my drawing time has faded into blankly staring around the room or websurfing. I suppose I'm catching some form of art block, and just when my skills improved tenfold. I guess the world truly isn't perfect.

I bought Bullet For My Valentine's "Fever" and Epica's "Design Your Universe," so I've got enough music to last me for ages.

My nose is bleeding really bad. It started last night and continued even after I'd woken up. What a pain!

Turbulance

Have you ever made a decision you thought was right, but ended up being the worst possible thing you could do?

I have the misfortune of being in that situation today. Speaking indirectly, it's as if I've kicked a helpless puppy for not fetching a bone.

I started off in my relationship completely uncertainly, wondering what on earth love even was. I had no real idea myself, sadly enough, and the sensation that I felt empathically from it was nearly unbearable. I'd come from the lowest point ever in my life, and was certain that all was doomed to end in tragedy, as everything else beforehand had. It was unfamiliar, like fire lapping at my soul.

Fire, however, has been known for refining. I instead found something like a heaven-on-earth. I felt my cares, depression, and anger slipping away, and crawled out of the pit that I'd been stuck in for so long. Bliss.

Recently, I made a bad decision, and I'm paying for it mentally. My mind returns to the time before I saw the light of love, and I'm truly scared of where I could go from there. My backbone is missing, and there would be virtually no hope left for me. God has made a deal with me, and if I miss on that chance, I'm doomed to walk in misery inside of my own head forever. With any hope, all will be repaired, but I tend not to think unrealistically anymore. Despite all I have going for me, I remain an unchangeable pessimist.

Greetings To All

Well, much like my pal, I have pointlessly wound up with an online blog. I have also cleverly named it so that people won't find me and necessarily know who I am unless they hire a psychic.

Don't expect any bawwing from me unless I've REALLY had it with my day. I'm not a sobby little emo kid who gets a page to fill with nothing but complaints.

Perhaps I made this blog because I needed something to divert me from my commission work. Perhaps it was because I needed somewhere to unwind other than DeviantART, where I've got way too many followers to really express my true feelings on certain issues. Maybe it's because most of the time, I find that it's just my computer and I tackling the world together in a zone of little to no human contact. Perhaps, even, I needed a spot to allow my more intellectual side to muse.

For any of you stumbling here by the winds of fate or chance, I'm a person who tends to think rather negatively of herself (and rather negatively of the human race altogether, mind you.) I would describe myself as a paperweight to my friends: I can be a burden, although I keep them from flying off into the unknown. I also take a pro-life approach as someone who has had more than one brush with death and suicide, and anyone who's mentioned consideration of it around me can tell you that I take up my own manner of preaching as such. I'm very emotionally sensitive, and cannot act harshly or evilly for very long. If I fill myself with malice, I become angered at myself for being such a cruel fool, depressed, then angered at myself again for being so soft. Many see me as a mature, quiet loner type, although most anyone who knows me on a higher level will say that I'm much more complicated than that. I'm complicated, life is complicated: the universe is complicated.

Deal with it.