Turbulance

Have you ever made a decision you thought was right, but ended up being the worst possible thing you could do?

I have the misfortune of being in that situation today. Speaking indirectly, it's as if I've kicked a helpless puppy for not fetching a bone.

I started off in my relationship completely uncertainly, wondering what on earth love even was. I had no real idea myself, sadly enough, and the sensation that I felt empathically from it was nearly unbearable. I'd come from the lowest point ever in my life, and was certain that all was doomed to end in tragedy, as everything else beforehand had. It was unfamiliar, like fire lapping at my soul.

Fire, however, has been known for refining. I instead found something like a heaven-on-earth. I felt my cares, depression, and anger slipping away, and crawled out of the pit that I'd been stuck in for so long. Bliss.

Recently, I made a bad decision, and I'm paying for it mentally. My mind returns to the time before I saw the light of love, and I'm truly scared of where I could go from there. My backbone is missing, and there would be virtually no hope left for me. God has made a deal with me, and if I miss on that chance, I'm doomed to walk in misery inside of my own head forever. With any hope, all will be repaired, but I tend not to think unrealistically anymore. Despite all I have going for me, I remain an unchangeable pessimist.